and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
be right there i have to get my cape
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
