dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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