girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
