If that was your dad, he is hot
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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