My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
