We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
