Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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