Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
