just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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