totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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