He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
