OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
