She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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