New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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