Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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