Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
