So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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