Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
