I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize