Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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