She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize