I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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