Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
