Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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