oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize