I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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