My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
