Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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