Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
