i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
