i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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