I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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