Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
two words...techno handjob
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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