it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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