I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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