The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
