Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
