WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
