god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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