Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
