We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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