I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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