I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
