absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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