oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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