Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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