I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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