No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
