I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
