Me. At least after what I've been through.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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