That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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