I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
