On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
