just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
how does that bad decision feel?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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