then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
