Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
