she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
