I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
