I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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