Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
