gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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