drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize