I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
