Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this boner is exhausting
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize