All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
a search helicopter?!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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