They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
