your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
