she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
