Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
