i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
