Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
