Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize