how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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