if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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