They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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