remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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