...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
