I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
