she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will be naked everywhere
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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