she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
