Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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