Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
