Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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