don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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