literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
