I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
