you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
