You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
