you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
