i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
