its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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