Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
