I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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