yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize