sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she told me i tasted like america
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
